im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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