Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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