i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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