just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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