remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
