Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
