Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
