Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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