so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
