what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
