Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
