my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
