ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize