I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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