My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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