I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My cat gives me a boner
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
