Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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