i already hear my dad disowning me
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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