Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
