You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
