I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
