the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
The air taste purple.
Randomize