Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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