I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
