Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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