Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
