I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
