we have officially lost it.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
