I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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