there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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