just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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