drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize