I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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