my phone cant type all the emotion im having
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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