I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Drunk is a universal language darling
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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