Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
