Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
