i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
