i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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