She's JV to your varsity
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
