she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
