Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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