if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I checked into jail on foursquare
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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