I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
