This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
