I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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