dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
