Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
