i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
