I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
