Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize