Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
