YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
