I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
