Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
