Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
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