by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
