it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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