Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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