beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
