i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize