bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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