How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
