Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
