you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I've blown a few things in my day
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
