I wanna passion pit in your ass
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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