If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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