We're facebook friends in real life
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
