i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm having to shit out rocks
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
