the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
