he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
