Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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