I am full of burrito and curiosity
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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