I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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