Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize