Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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