He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
