My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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