what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
