So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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