i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize