So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
