I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
