dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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