Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
