I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
