the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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