I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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