I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize