you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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