Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
