So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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