I didn't shave. On purpose
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
