Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
