We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The struggles of a small town man whore
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
