hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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