Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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