These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize