Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
